Lexophile

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.
 
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
 
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
 
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
 
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
.. When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
 
.. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
 
.. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
 
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstering machine is now fully recovered.
 
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
 
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
 
   And the cream of the wretched crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will surely be exposed in the end.

I heard another one the other day that is ascribed to Abraham Lincoln. It seems that a woman came up to him and accused him of being disingenuous. His reply to her was, “Madam, If I had another face do you think I’d be wearing this one?”

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